Friday, 4 May 2012

I'll Love You For A Thousand More!

"With tears that are audible,voice that is visible, and anger that is touchable,she cried,'this is enough from you!!!'"
The day had this terrible pre-start that is a potential outcome of the day.I decided to propose to her on the thirteenth day of May.And That was Today!
We have developed a thing for each other.Our relationship has grown from the little once-in-a-bluemoon smsing to frequent rendezvous and letting us know each other.Whether things were smooth or rough,slow or fast,light or heavy,one thing has remained invariable-I haven't lost her image in the back of my mind for a moment.That I realized,is the essence of love!
Things were getting heavy inside my heart.I couldn't contain the burden of not telling her how much I've loved her.How much I wanted to be with her at all points of time.So I took the last of those snaring initiatives-I'm gonna get rid off the burden today!
I called her up yesterday and said I'd be meeting her at her sister's house in vizag today.Damon cannot enter into Elena's house without invitation.Neither could I.But I wondered if I was Damon or someone else!
But thank God,she had invited me some days ago.So I proceeded.
We left her home minutes after tea and some snacks.We started walking on the beach road,starting from Lawson's bay colony towards the Kailasagiri hill.As we walked,we spoke about lot of the workaday things.On the way I picked up a red rose from a basket and silently put a Re.5 coin in the vendor's hand.She wouldn't be made to prepare for a shocking surprise!(?)
We stopped at the Tenneti spot at around 5.30 p.m and moved onto the shore.The crimson glory of the setting sun almost matched the color of the rose i bought.Funny,I thought,if that would somehow inspire her to know what I was up to just because of the reddishness of the sun that matched the rose's.Of course that happened only in mind.Most things happen only in mind.
We sat at a spot I've chosen on intent.Between one couple that seemed sure to kiss soon by the dint of their incipient romance,and another fighting with one another on whether they'd have dinner at pizza-corner or pizza-hut(I presumed anyway,but fighting they were!)
"Nice view of the sun and city together", I exaggerated,trying to cover up any possibility of a suspicion.
I began to choke.This was my first-ever tell-tale romantic talk.
"Relax,it's going to be easy!",I started to start my self talk,which she thankfully interrupted,"So how's life over these few days?"
"Average",I said,averting my gaze from her.
"Weird answer,I don't hear much of this around!"
"Well,you don't hear much of what I'm going to speak anyway",I said,continuing to avert my eyes shooting straight into hers.
"All right,you seem screwed.Not going good with  your girlfriend huh?",she shocked me with those words,but silently attenuated the excitement with a wink and a subsequent dialogue,"just joking,I know you're not that kinda guy".
"Time to move on buddy,decide this fast.A moment gone without her is a moment gone!",my self-talk guru gave me his first-ever wise decision in his life.
"All right,let's speak about a story.A hypothetical one.Girl you are,so you've got to tell me the decision"
I calmly threw a stone into the silent sea,hoping her doubt would fade like the sight of the stone.And sink they both did!
Start,here we go!
"Let's say a guy,a happy-go-lucky one,a tee-totaller type,but not repulsive,goes along and accidentally meets a girl..."
Ours,i wanted to say,but i didn't."A friend's.Immaterial now,let's get going.
"Say the guy gets her details and begins to imagine himself with her.Starts contemplating about her.In a few weeks,he realises that he is badly sad and sadly bad without being with her.The tiny spark of lust in his heart transformed into a blazing fire of love,powerful enough to incinerate those prejudices",i continued,staring into her eyes to plot her expressions versus my speech.
"Go on",she said with an expression not strong enough to detect enthusiasm,not weak enough to prove dismay.
"He is missing her so much now that like a ruminating cow,he's stored all of his interactions with her,small like an sms,to large like..."
"Keep it simple silly,Don't be a poet!"
"All right,sorry.But he is missing her like hell.Every moment he thinks about his moments with her.And he thinks why he's missed her since long,without tightly embracing her and never letting her go.He becomes dismal.Why he hasn't been capable of making her happy just to the extent that she'll do the same.He laughs madly.He cries helplessly.He sobs loudly.He misses her badly.

"She's been with him for long but nothing extraordinarily positive from her.As it always happens,he is unable  to be just friends with her.He wants to..."
A slight grin escapes from the corner of her lips,showing off her beautiful premolars.
I get furious,as i was about to blurt out,"Does this all seem funny???"
I stopped at the end of the second word,and forced my vision to intersect hers at the couple.
Predictably, they started to kiss with an extra spice of passion.
I cashed in.
"He wants to...He wants to not just kiss you.He wants to not just feel you.He wants to not just have that s-...",inherently mixing a lot of expression that she didn't realize the shift from third person to second.
"What does he want,tell me that!",she grimaced and added volume to her usually calm tone.
"He wants to be with you.He wants you to feel his love for you,He wants to take care of you.Forever.
"Right then,unfortunately,you see,love is out of phase with force.Love cannot be imposed.You cannot put someone in jail and force her to love you.But do you think his love for her is not a force enough to instill love in her for him?"
"A forcing-love?"
"If you will.Do you think the kind of thing he has for her cannot overcome all the prejudices she has about him?A recognition of that thing?"
"Well...",she was trying to say something.Perhaps give some advice to 'him'.
But I turned emotional enough,I now didn't care to peer into her expressions,I didn't care to beat around the bush.I had to throw those final few words.And wait to see if she will catch them,or spill them on the sand and let the tides bury them.
"Now sufficient,as i might say."
I rummaged in my pocket and after a bit of fumble,coolly took the rose and offered it to her.The brilliance of the rose was fully visible under the phosphorescent street lamps.Beauty lies in the heart anyway!
As I extended my hand,carefully clutching the flower with my fingers,a tear rolled down my cheek.
With a voice wavering out of emotion,I said those words,"Tu me manques! Aimez-vous!!!"(I miss you,and I love you!)
A blank expression on her startled face ensued,and it's like a pot-pourri of bewilderment,happiness and emotion.
Each of which have reasons for themselves,but when put together comes the trouble!!!

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Miss Me Not,For It Breaks My Heart!

Dedicated to : An ex-friend who was to eventually break up with me!
So Who are you?

Oh,I am your friend.Well,I was,anyway.We had been close for about a year-and-half in our high school.Then you, along with a few other baddies, mocked me and we turned out as enemies.

Then why are you again speaking to me???

Well, i don't know what happened to you, but somewhere down the road you called me to apparently congratulate me on my success in my examinations.I thought you wanted to put me further down.So i asked my mother to say to you that i wasn't home.

How nasty!!!You know I didn't!

Maybe i am sorry for that.But i wanted to make sure you were really better on me.You persisted.So i yielded.And finally, very recently we became good friends once again and spoke to each other, after the heat of the school days died down after about five years.

Now then, what's your problem???

I don't.You had.

Speak plainly.Don't beat around the bush!

Okay, let me explain.
So since our reunion we had moved pretty close...

Pretty close?How close???

Our proximity seemed to have leaped to much more than during our schooling.You used to say me about all kinds of things ranging from your classroom pranks to the confidentialities of your best friends.I had been always a step behind, but i too started to converse my personal things with you.

Like what???

Like sharing all my personal ecstasy that is supposed to be limited only to my heart.Like my psychological problems i wouldn't share even with my sister.Like things i thought i would not divulge even to a psychiatrist if ever i met one.Like things i would be most embarrassed to speak to anyone about.

Excellent!So where's the twist in this monotony???

Here it comes.As i have said earlier you spoke about your other close friends as well including a girl.

Girl???I dont have a girl in my life!!!

You don't, but you did.You used to say you two were becoming pretty close and stuff like that.One fine day apparently she proposed to you.
Although your personal person didn't have any courtly feelings towards her the moment before,yet,suddenly, like a Phantom's four, all the holy love in the universe manifested in you from nowhere, and you and she together started to build an apartment(Nay,a city.Nay,a world) of hallucination and dreams.You also pulled your mobile phone and me along with my mobile phone into that building.

What's with you then?My world, my freedom!

Alright,but let me complete.In that euphoria you had all kinds of interactions with her, and like a shameless bitch you used to elaborate on all that raw stuff to me.I bore silently.After all, i thought i was your friend.
But then...

Then what???

As is always the case with a good-looking girl someone else of your class had proposed to her on another fine day.And you added that out of her magnanimity she didn't say anything to him.

My god,she didn't say anything?You think she was playing with me,then?

I wasn't sure.But since you were my friend i advised you to make sure you really love her, lest she would feel insecure and eventually run away from you.

Good advice,thanks for that!

It is.But you didn't think so.You said i was doubting her.You spelled all kinds of curses on me.You were in such a madness in the real world and a deep so-called love in the imagined world that even after i begged your pardon for giving away my good advice, you were not to be appeased.You once again began to mock me at all my psychological weaknesses and things even more confidential.You showed me that whatever praise you had for me was all but a facade.
You blamed me.You betrayed me.You hated me.
Finally you again broke up with me.You said that you wrote your final sms.
But history repeats itself.After sometime you broke up with that girl too,though the reasons are unknown to me.

I'm sorry,but here goes my brand new second girlfriend.Ttyl!

Wait a second..

I'm sorry, bye!


Bye!Laa la la laaaa.....

Guys, this is a real story that really sends out a message to all of us.On something that is very delectable yet attractively dangerous.Like a cobra with a jewel on its head.In modern parlance,like a chocolate cake with poison sprinkled on it.
I don't have great ideologies about love and stuff, but i do know about what a friend is all about.People clamor on friendship day with a zillion SMSes and umpteen fb statuses but, really, only a true friend knows what friendship is all about.Even in the midst of a hundred naked young attractive girls.
Again i don't know about love.But i can speak about lust.
I can say with an air of absolute certainty that a friend is greater.
A friend bears all kinds of mistakes from you.A girl doesn't.
A friend sacrifices.A girl only benefits from your sacrifices.
A friend always remains.A girl always expects you to remain.Catch the subtle difference!
Philosophy heavy, but even on a logical platform, one should never trade a friend for a girlfriend.In imagination one might tend to stretch one's mind to various impossibilities.Like how good it will be if i remain with my girl forever, and how i hate the friend-fellow entering into the picture!
But.A girlfriend.May not.Always be.Loyal.To you.

Shut the f*** up!My girlfriend isn't like that.I've got better experience with her than you.

Popular opinion.But remember, might is seldom right.
Once again guys, let's go by logic.If any guy, for some reason, doesn't think that his girl will be loyal to him forever, and that she will never break his heart, will he still go on to commit himself to her?And willfully let her break his heart?

So what do you mean is what i ask!!!

What i'm saying is stop acting like you are an exception.Listen to the bigger ones!
Get back to reality.You've studied Newton's laws, didn't you?In your frame of reference, you are the observer and you can't find things moving.But an observer from outside - an inertial frame - a frame in which girlfriend is absent, can alone see the true nature of things.
Now guys, don't, please don't, leave a friend just because a girl lures you more.It's only ephemeral pleasure.It's proved time and again.Stop being in the imagined world.It's not worth it.At least it's not worth missing a friend!
Feel the kick! Try to get back up the levels.Don't wait till you die and enter into Limbo!!!

P.S. Parents have been our best friends since our birth.Dare not care for them and their feelings, and you can be safely called the most uncivilized man born on the planet.Nay, the animal on the planet...