Saturday, 22 June 2013

The 'Friendly' Syndrome

Dedicated to: A friend.
Inspired by: Another friend.

A few days ago, one of my closest friends made an interesting statement :

"Friends are there for providing entertainment only.." (Indian style, I know, but I couldn't figure out another way to emphasize the point)

The next time someone asks me (or on quora) which is the most misused word in the language, I'll declare with an air of absolute certainty that the answer is "friend."

While definitely there are lot of people out there who'd think that a friend is not just someone who necessarily amuses you, yet, many of us, inadvertently or otherwise, have this notion in the back of our mind. In fact, the statement of his made me think deeper into how I treat my friends and how I should change so that I could be a good friend. Also reflect on how I have performed so far.

In my opinion, the way we categorize our friends is as follows:

Someone whom we know vaguely, not a lot of personal details - Acquaintance
Someone whom we associate with on a daily basis and seek his help in our work (Who cares about his personal life!) - Friend
Someone who is a friend and we know his family - Close Friend
Someone who is a close friend and amuses us - Very Close Friend
Someone who is a close friend and amuses us the most with his wit and humor, never fails to impress us - Best Friend.

I would like to leave it to the reader what each of the above mean to him/her, as I'd like to go seemingly tangentially.

Long ago, I used to have one (and surprisingly now again we are). Whenever I was in slight trouble in my life, he'd always taken interest and ever tried to smoothen it for me. And it was not just with me. Whoever he moved with closely he's always done that. Considering that taking interest in others' problems is such a taxing task, He almost always surprised me with his caring attitude. We might have had a couple of spats, but that never changed my opinion about him as a friend. In my opinion, he may not be a close friend of mine now, but he is always a good friend. A person whose concept of a friend is not merely someone who provides entertainment; whom we are free to exploit whenever and however we want; someone who we can ever count on to listen to all the stupid things we got to say; but someone to whom we are ever ready to offer a helping hand when needed; someone who we can count on to offer us when we need one.

And surely, that implies a desire to associate closely with him/her. And an intrinsic desire to share our happiness with him/her. Which includes mutual amusement!

And the guy that made the "interesting" statement, he calls me his best friend, and he's cleared up all my doubts in a single line. Why give a damn about what a person would feel because of your words!

1. This is solely my experience of what some of my friends think, and I'm sure this essay is not particularly enlightening to many. I still have some very good friends that I care about, and this is not aimed at them.
2. The second guy is same as the one described in this. Over the semesters ( :P), my own opinion of a friend has evolved thus.
3. I'm sure he would have made a great boyfriend, can't fathom why she broke up with such a caring ass :)  I get it, girls favor only jerks, but still !

Friday, 14 June 2013


Perhaps it was for the lack of skills.
Perhaps it was for the lack of time.
But perhaps,it was for the lack of motivation in my life,that I have kept away from all the positives in my life for the past few months.

I tried playing.I tried eating junk.I tried meeting up new people and making weird conversations with them.But finally,none of these is the winner.It's time.No,it's, "IT'S TIME!"

Just when I was totally down in the dumps and about to slip to worse activities(you know,by my standards) to come out of my looming depression,time has hit the brakes.
This, I realized, is a tough age to deal with,not only because of so many unsatisfied desires at their maxima, but also because we are not mentally equipped enough to handle them.To add to the agony,all those who we can share our strain with are living somewhere half a thousand miles away!
Perhaps, Time is a God's way of saying that He's always there for us.
Awesome friends all around to cheer us up. Superhuman sisters to provide a shoulder to cry on whenever required. Capable parents and teachers to drive us nuts with their wisdom (Pun intended). Beautiful nature to soothe us and absorb a part of our troubles.God-given intelligence and discretion at our disposal.
Yet, life is difficult for everyone.While some of us choose to move on without much of a fuss, others get bogged down by the difficult circumstances.
From what I've seen so far in my 20-odd years, not many of us are still troubled by the pain we might have undergone during our birth. Not many of us are troubled by the beatings our childhood teachers occasionally gave us.Not many of us are troubled by the pranks played in our high school.
Nevertheless, very interestingly, whenever a problem happens in the present, we usually lose our minds to whatever extent.
We seldom realize that a few years down the line, this problem might not even exist in our conscious mind, and even if it did, it might not look like a problem at all ! (More on this coming in the future posts)
Thus, from my experience, we just need to lace up our boots and face the situation.
We win,we win. We lose,we win !
Because who knows what's in the store for us?!
Meanwhile, therefore, we must allow ourselves to be cheered up by the awesome friends.Cry on the sisters' shoulders heartfully. Listen and absorb the wisdom that our parents and teachers have got to share with us. Let the pain drown in the water beyond the sand. These might not reduce our pain, but they will certainly remain beautiful memories once the storms are weathered !
And all the storms are there to be weathered by time.
After all, time is our best friend. Nay, God is our best friend !

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Give your heart,my ass!

A friend of mine,a brilliant one had always been a figure of inspiration for me since my seventh grade.A personification of happiness and an epitome of a man who knew how to live life happily,the way it is meant to be,he has always instilled in me a desire to live the same way he does it.
He was more of an inwardly person,in the sense that he used to be a person not concerned with the shallow idiosyncrasies of the world.Whatever he did,he used to do with his heart.
"What you do is not really important.How you do,whether you are doing it with the consent of your heart or not,is what matters,and what gives us the satisfaction we are craving for," he used to say."You may be having a million dollars,but what will you do with them when you don't have a person to share all your wealth with?And if you are looking for just some person,why not share it with a beggar?So the point is you always need a person who you can relate your heart with in your life."
Perhaps he was right,but his philosophically sounding words kind of repelled me.At least for my shallow mind which always obeyed the law of the world,"Go with the herd",while in actuality they did appear true to me at times.
After a long gap of about four years,I met him recently in the city of his residence.Contrary to what I expected,he did change.In fact,what I realised soon was my responsibility-to provide a good shoulder for him to cry on!
He said that he had loved a girl.And some story.And then they are done with each other.
He used the word heart at least two dozen times.I felt worried.
When we see a girl and get attracted to her,what are we really attracted to?Most of us to looks,few of us to which-you-know-but-shall-not-be-mentioned-here.And similarly when we want a girl to be attracted to us,what do we do?We tend to bolster our hairstyles and skin-tones.We build big round muscles.We wear only branded apparel,or study hard and get a nice job.Because we seem to know from the gut precisely what attracts the opposite sex.And the answer is,yes, you are right, our heart!
All the gyms and beauty parlors are present to encourage this winning-the-heart business,thank you very much!
Once we get into a relationship after the initial communication between the two hearts,what do we long for?Maintaining it.We change our priorities and even the way we live so that the person we lost our heart to doesn't get offended!
To what end?To cop a feel.To entertain our mind with whatever is on offer.Ultimately,to feel the rubbing of the genitals together.So much for losing our heart to someone!
Yet,we always love to believe that Lord Kamadeva has shot the two of us with his arrow of love and exchange of hearts!We even start believing the concept of soul-mates,though it's a different issue that we hardly believe in a soul.
When I heard the word 'love' from him,my mother immediately came to mind.She happily carried me for nine months in her womb.She cleaned my stool,and tolerated whatever stupid things I did when I was a child.She still loves me.And I'm sure she'll continue to care for me all the way till my grave with the same degree of selflessness.
And when he said 'Relationship',immediately my sister came to my mind.Recently she married my bro-in-law.And yes,I can clearly see that they are getting into a relationship.A mutual understanding of what they did-they committed themselves to one another.A mutual understanding that they are going to live together in this world for a fairly long time,and that not only they shouldn't make each other's lives miserable,but also that they have to strive to make them as merry as they can!
I concluded that he made a mistake.The mistake of not applying whatever is in his store of wisdom.The kind of feelings he experienced for her only overshadowed what really he felt - a strong sense of bad urge that is so prevalent in the teenage and the pre-adult age.In the language of a computer scientist,it's not always WYSIWIG! If he had understood that, he wouldn't have been like this today.
If we understand that, we wouldn't be like that in the future.